It is important to realize that while the experience of going through a divorce can be stressful and traumatic, it is not the end of your life. It is not the end of your happiness or even the end of romance in your life. It is the end of one relationship and although you may feel very alone at the time, the feelings of loss are a temporary stop along the road to recovery. With a healthy outlook and divorce support from family and friends, things will always get better.
You will need support and guidance to get through the four stages of divorce; denial, depression, withdrawal and recovery. Time is an important element in the recovery process and as it passes, the negative emotions and feelings will start to subside. Some estimates say that it takes one year of recovery to get over every five year increment of a relationship. This doesn’t mean that if you were married for a decade it will take two years to feel better. It means it may take two years before you are no longer experiencing negative effects from the divorce and have moved on to make a new life for yourself. When you are stuck in the middle of depression and withdrawal it can seem like you will never escape the event, but with time and support, your life will get better.
Many people experiencing divorce tend to go to extremes. They either totally negate and downplay the experience as if they were unaffected, or wallow in misery and make the whole process more painful than it needs to be. A better approach would be to face the facts and accept your new divorced situation for what it is. Those who insist to continue living in denial and refuse to move forward will obviously be in recovery a lot longer than those who face facts and get involved in making a new life for themselves.
Even though every relationship is different and your own divorce has unique conditions and implications, the processes of mourning, support and recovery are the same for most people. You can take comfort in the fact that thousands of people have survived their divorces and moved on to fulfilling new lives. If you will take the time to face the real difficulties of your divorce and work through them using the support resources available to you, a new life filled with joy and happiness can be yours.
Divorce Support Tips
This is not your last love relationship. Failure in one marriage does not mean you cannot find love again.
It is not entirely your fault. Even if you think you caused the divorce you should recognize that it takes two people to marry, two to divorce and two to bear the responsibility for failure.
Your divorce is important. You are living in denial if you refuse to accept that your divorce has a huge impact on every aspect of your life. Anything that affects your relationships, home, finances, friendships and emotions is definitely important.
You can trust other people. It can be difficult to overcome feelings of betrayal and distrust after a divorce, but in time you will make new relationships with good people again.
You can exist alone just fine. You need to be able to carry your own weight before you can bring another person into the picture. Don’t expect another relationship to make you whole, you must do that on your own before stating over.
It is OK to be angry. It is completely normal and expected that you will be angry, sad and depressed in the beginning. Just don’t let it go on forever. Divorce is a difficult experience and you will naturally need some time to deal with your emotions.
Get a handle on your emotions. Start thinking rationally instead of emotionally.
Don’t expect too much from yourself in the beginning. Keep your expectations reasonable and set goals that are attainable.
Think first. Don’t make big decisions or rush into big changes until you are thinking clearly.
Utilize your resources. The support of family, friends and community can be a huge aid in getting your life back on track.
Professional help may be necessary. Just as an attorney guides you through a divorce, professional divorce support specialists can guide you through recovery. Some problems can be too large to tackle on your own, and you should seek a professional if you get stuck.