First Aid For Life After Divorce
Whether you’re glad to be divorced or devastated by it, divorce often means an adjustment to a whole new life. Even if you’re relieved to be free of the relationship, it’s still normal to feel sad about the loss of something you’d hoped would last forever.
Remember to grieve. You’ve lost something important, and it’ll take time to heal. Don’t expect yourself to be “over it” immediately. Be patient with the grieving process and allow it to run its course. Feel your grief, but don’t get stopped by it.
While you may feel resentful, angry, or negative, acting these feelings out will not hurt your ex. It will only hurt you. If you just can’t manage to be friendly or cordial, do be neutral and civil. You have enough going on. Don’t add to the burden by creating problems. At all costs, avoid placing kids in the position of having to take sides or be involved in adult conflicts.
Especially with kids, you’ll still have to deal with your former partner. Resolve today to do your best to make that relationship as positive as possible. You’re not doing this for your ex-spouse. You’re doing it for yourself and for the kids. Keep your ex involved in parenting. It’s difficult to carry the burden by yourself, so enlist all the help you can get.
Find emotional support. Ask professionals, inquire at churches and community centers, or check the Internet and newspaper in your area. There are many support groups available for newly single people to connect with others who are going through the same challenges. Just knowing you’re not alone can help.
Don’t rely on friends you had while you were married. Divorce changes everything, including your social circle. Even single friends may not understand. You’re feeling raw, and you’ll need to be with those who can relate. Be open to exchanging phone numbers, and use them. Staying connected will help you stay sane.
While it might seem impossible, remember that you must stay positive, both for yourself and for your kids. A negative attitude can adversely affect the mental and physical health of you and your children.
Try to view divorce as an adventure instead of a death sentence. Difficult as it is to go back to square one and live on your own again, you’re still in a position to learn from your mistakes and to make a better choice the second time around.