Making the Best of it for the Kids
There has always been talk of how the children will be better off when the parents who no longer are able to be civil to each other separate, but there is cause for concern when we look at so many statistics that tell us differently. Crime rates have been proven to be highest among children raised in single-parent homes, just for one instance. When there are children considered in the divorce proceedings, it is important that this kind of rationalization for wanting to dissolve the union not be used to make excuses for why it will also be a good thing for the children because it most probably will not be a good thing for them at all.
Before making the decision to dissolve a marriage, the children must be the primary concern. Rather than complacently admitting and rationalizing that the arguments and unrest in the family because of the parents’ inability to get along will be much better for the children if divorce is the decision, take that right out of the equation of the factors in favor of the split right from the start. There is nothing good about divorce for children whatsoever, and this myth is dangerous because it downplays not only the short-term upheaval in the lives of children, but dismisses the long-term effects.
One of the outcomes of not realizing the danger in using this myth as part of the decision is that the animosity is still every bit as much there after the divorce, and although daily disruption of the family’s peace may no longer seem evident, the underlying chaos has just been masked by a physical separation of distance. What may seem like a more peaceful atmosphere without the constant bickering is only an appearance that is most often not the peaceful feeling in the hearts and minds of children so affected by the split.
No matter your reasons for divorcing, never make it a consideration that it will be better for the children. Once you have accepted and internalized this fact, it is only then that you may be able to seek counseling with honesty and awareness that this is a devastating and cataclysmic event to the life of a child, and proceed to do all you can to make the best of the situation.