Marriage vs. Divorce
In today’s modern era of instant communication and instant gratification it is estimated that the divorce rate in the United States is hovering around 50% for certain socio-economic sectors. Back in less evolved times when the divorce rate was in the single digits, divorce was thought to be a greater calamity for the family with far-reaching negative affects. When the divorce rate began skyrocketing upwards in the late 1970′s, the modern observers of the time began saying that contrary to being a bad thing, divorce offered a new freedom to unhappily married couples and was not traumatic for the children of divorce who were quickly able to adapt to new and unfamiliar situations without ill effects. Now, thirty years later researchers are finding that although divorce might offer freedom to adults, it often has distinctly adverse affects on children. They are also finding that if a marriage can be saved, it is preferable to divorce in almost every instance. The facts have resulted in a change of attitude toward encouragement of marriage and discouragement of divorce in many circles.
Prior thinking held that the most difficult and stressful part of a divorce for a family occurred at the moment of separation and the impact quickly decreased as time passed. New research shows that the effects of divorce on children can last for decades, with major negative impacts showing up when the children reach their mid-20′s. Of the one million or so children that have come from divorced families every year since 1970, many find themselves unprepared or unable to commit to marriage themselves because they have had no direct experience or example of a long-term love relationship in their own lives.
The research suggests that many people who get a divorce know what they are leaving behind, but few seem to fully understand what they are embracing. The idea that divorce is preferable to an unhappy marriage when children are involved is losing advocates too. Studies now show that if people will stay in the marriage and try to work through their differences, the marriage often gets much stronger than it was previously. Better health, higher incomes and a longer lifespan are all additional benefits of married life.
Divorce has been shown to deliver better physical and emotional health at times when abuse or physical harm is a factor in the marriage and family. Children of divorce can and do get married and lead normal lives if they can overcome their fear of commitment and focus on solving their relationship problems through communication. People and their feelings change over time though and children of divorce are no exception. They will often feel different about their parent’s divorce later on as adults, than they did as small and helpless children in the home at the time of the event.
In any contest between marriage and divorce, marriage always wins. The numbers show that marriage is better for men, women, children, the community and society too. The long-term commitment of marriage and family is the glue that holds our society together. Divorce does not.
Divorce vs. Marriage ““ Trouble Signs
Divorce is on your mind. Fantasizing about being divorced and leading the single life again is not a good thing. Get some counseling as soon as you can.
You have more bad days than good ones. When your marriage is an unhappy chore more often than a rewarding relationship, it is in serious trouble.
You don’t have sex anymore. Marriages that lack sexual intimacy will turn into marriages of convenience at best, divorces at worst. If either party or both avoids intimacy and affection, odds are the marriage will not last long.
You don’t talk anymore. Good communication is essential for a marriage to work. If you keep things to yourself and don’t discuss important life issues with your spouse the marriage bond will not be strong enough to endure over time.