How to Get a Divorce: A Step-by-Step Guide to a Healthier Path Forward

No one enters a marriage expecting it to end, yet nearly half of all marriages do.

According to the American Psychological Association, more than 20% of first marriages end within five years, and 48% dissolve by the 20-year mark.

Divorce may be common, but that doesn’t make it easy.

If you’re thinking about ending your marriage — or are already in the middle of it — you deserve a clearer, less traumatic way through.

This guide walks you through the key steps so you know what to expect, what’s required, and how to stay grounded — legally, financially, and emotionally.

What Divorce Really Means

Divorce is the legal process that ends a marriage. That includes formally dividing your finances, responsibilities, and parenting plans.

Once finalized, you’re legally single, and no longer share obligations like taxes, property, or joint decisions.

Most states allow “no-fault” divorce, meaning you don’t need to prove anyone did something wrong.

Some states also allow “fault-based” grounds like adultery or abandonment, but those aren’t always necessary or helpful.

The rules for how to file, how long it takes, and what’s required vary by state. It’s worth checking your local court’s website early in the process.

Before You File: Get Grounded Emotionally and Financially

Divorce is a legal event, but it’s also a life shift. Before filing, pause and check in with yourself.

Emotionally, it’s normal to feel everything all at once — grief, relief, fear, frustration. These feelings don’t mean you’re making the wrong choice.

Talking to a therapist, especially if kids or trauma are involved, can make a big difference.

Financially, make a list of what you own and what you owe. Think: income, bank accounts, property, vehicles, loans, credit cards.

Gather key documents like tax returns and mortgage statements. Having your facts straight protects your rights and avoids unnecessary back-and-forth later.

Choosing the Divorce Path That Fits You

There’s more than one way to get divorced. The best option depends on how much you and your spouse can agree on—and how much help you want.

Uncontested Divorce

If you’re on the same page about major issues, you can file jointly or as an uncontested case. These divorces are typically faster, less expensive, and more peaceful.

Contested Divorce

If there are serious disagreements, or one spouse doesn’t want to participate, you may need to go to court.

These cases take longer, cost more, and are more emotionally draining, but sometimes, they’re necessary.

Mediation or Collaborative Divorce

If you’re not fully aligned but want to avoid court, consider mediation. A neutral third party can help you reach fair decisions together.

Collaborative divorce involves attorneys trained to negotiate, not litigate. Both are less combative options that can save time and money.

Know Your State’s Divorce Rules

Every state has different requirements. Most expect you (or your spouse) to live there for a certain time, usually six months.

You may also have to live in a specific county or wait a certain number of days after filing.

To move forward, you’ll need to know:

• Where to file

• What forms to complete

• How much the filing fee is (and how to request a waiver if needed)

• Whether your state requires a waiting period

These details matter. Getting them right from the start can help avoid delays or re-filing.

Gather What You’ll Need

You don’t have to tackle everything in one sitting, but here’s a good place to start:

Financial Info

• Tax returns and pay stubs

• Bank and credit card statements

• Mortgage, loan, or property records

• Retirement and investment account info

Legal and Personal Docs

• Marriage certificate

• Prenuptial/postnuptial agreements

• Custody or legal separation orders (if any)

Make digital copies if you can. Sharing with a mediator, case manager, or court will be easier.

Filing for Divorce: Starting the Legal Process

When you’re ready, you’ll file a petition with your local family court. This is your official request to end the marriage.

You’ll need to:

• Fill out the right forms

• Pay the filing fee (or request a waiver)

• Submit everything to the court (online or in person, depending on your state)

Accuracy matters here. Mistakes can slow things down. If you're not sure how to file, platforms like Divorce.com can guide you step by step.

Notifying Your Spouse

Once you file, your spouse must be officially served with the paperwork. You can’t do it yourself, but the court will accept service by:

• Process server

• Sheriff’s deputy

• Certified mail

• Signed waiver (if your spouse agrees)

You’ll need proof that service was completed. The court can’t move forward without it.

Requesting Temporary Orders (If Needed)

If you need structure while your divorce is pending, you can ask the court for temporary orders.

These might include:

• Parenting schedules

• Child or spousal support

• Protection from harassment

• Who stays in the home or drives the car

These orders stay in place until your divorce is final.

Reaching an Agreement

If you and your spouse can reach an agreement on all major issues, you’ll create a settlement agreement for the court to review.

This document covers:

• Property and debt division

• Custody and parenting plans

• Support (if applicable)

If you can’t agree, a judge will decide for you usually after a hearing or trial. Mediation can still help before things escalate.

Finalizing the Divorce

When everything is resolved and your state’s waiting period is over, the court will issue a final divorce decree. This document legally ends your marriage and outlines the terms moving forward.

Before you close the book:

• Review the decree for accuracy

• Request certified copies for your records

• Update your will, insurance, and beneficiaries

The Bottomline

Finalizing a divorce isn’t the end of your story. It’s the beginning of what’s next.

You might feel relief. You might feel lost. Both are normal.

Take small steps:

• Create a new budget

• Explore therapy or support groups

• Stay organized with your legal and financial docs

• Lean on trusted friends or advisors

Divorce.com is here for all of it. Whether you’re just starting or already halfway through, we offer expert-backed support that keeps you in control and out of unnecessary conflict.

Need More Help?

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Resources like your state court, local legal aid, or Divorce.com can help you understand your options and take the right next step.

A better divorce is possible. We’re here to help you find it.

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