4 Min Read

First Relationship After Divorce Success: What You Should Know

By Divorce.com staff
Updated Jan 20, 2023

Wait Until You’re Ready

Divorce can leave you with a broken heart, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds. If you’re ready to find love again, there are plenty of new factors to consider.

Not every relationship has the potential to be your “happily ever after.” Still, there are many steps you can take to increase your chances of forming a successful long-term relationship with a new partner.

Wait Until You’re Ready

Wait Until You’re Ready

Becoming single for the first time in a long time can dramatically shift your life. You may feel out of your element, and this might lead you to pursue a long-term relationship too soon. It may be better for you to hit the pause button and consider what you’re looking for in a significant other.

If you’re used to having a partner, navigating life as a single person can be strange and awkward. Relationships — especially unsuccessful ones — tend to foster codependence. While it’s great to have someone to lean on, you’ll need to learn to rely on yourself again before stepping back into the dating scene.

The time you spend outside a relationship will help you reconnect with who you are and what you want. What do you want to do when you’re calling all the shots? What’s important to you? What makes you happy? What kinds of experiences do you like to share with other people?

When you feel secure in who you are and have a better sense of independence, you can cautiously approach the idea of finding a new relationship.

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Process What You’ve Learned From Your Last Relationship

There’s never a divorce in which both partners were perfect people all the time. The odds are good that there are probably some things you wish you would have done differently.

If you know that you tend to avoid talking about your feelings or get jealous quickly, work on those things first. If they create problems in your marriage, they will likely create problems in your next relationship.

Many people find that they benefit from talk therapy after a divorce. You may have to learn new ways to communicate, find healthy coping mechanisms, and recognize red flags that may spell trouble for your romantic future.

You may also need to process hurt feelings. If you feel betrayed by your former spouse or if your former spouse was abusive to you, you might have trouble opening yourself to the idea of finding another partner. You don’t have to find another partner if you don’t want to, but you deserve to heal either way.

Realize That You’ve Changed

When you first started dating your former spouse, your goals and priorities in life were different. You may have been seeking things that you’ve since found.

You may have been more ambitious at the beginning of that relationship before settling into a job you love. You may have dreamed of becoming a business owner, and now you are one.

The most important question is this: Who are you now?

Think about what you want your future to look like, and imagine that future without a partner. What would you like to accomplish if you were on your own from this point forward? What would your independent goals be?

Once you have a decent idea of the type of future that would make you happy, you have a decent idea of the kind of partner who would fit into that future. If you start actively looking for a partner, you’ll know the qualities, goals, and interests your ideal partner should have.

Forget about what you think your “type” is and focus on finding someone who understands you in a meaningful way.

Learn the Difference Between Chemistry and Connection

You can have great chemistry with someone but absolutely no meaningful connection. A relationship requires both things.

You may enjoy flirting with someone or spending time with them, but that doesn’t mean the person you’re having fun with is serious relationship material. Sometimes, you’re better off reserving exciting chemistry for less serious flings or fulfilling friendships.

Relationships need to be sustainable. In a relationship, you share goals and aspirations with someone. You’re building a future together. You have dreams that you both work towards and want similar things out of life. While it’s important to have chemistry with your partner, the connection you share is just as important.

Don’t Play the Comparison Game

Many people are bothered by constant comparisons to an ex-relationship when they enter a new relationship with someone.

Your new partner won’t want to hear about your previous marriage in great detail, at least not at first. They certainly won’t want to be outwardly compared to someone you’ve divorced, as it may make them uncomfortable.

While making small comparisons in the back of your mind is normal, keep them in the back of your mind. The comparisons will come, but you should let them pass your mind without lingering.

Remember: you are with a completely new person. That person wants to know that you’re thinking about your future together rather than dwelling on your past.

Remember That Your New Partner Isn’t Your Former Spouse

You might have fallen into patterns if you were married for a long time. You’re used to your spouse doing certain things for you or assuming specific responsibilities. You already know what movies you should see or what restaurants you should go to. Your previous relationship became a part of your identity and your routine.

When you start a new relationship, you begin with a clean slate. You shouldn’t have any assumptions about this person’s role in your life. You’re starting over with a clean slate.

This person will have new wants, needs, and desires. Their role in your life may be completely different. If you need them in a specific way, you shouldn’t assume they know how to be there for you.

You need to communicate the things you want or need in a relationship. Your new partner may or may not be able to provide those things for you. That’s okay. They don’t need to be everything your former spouse was. You can approach your relationship with a new attitude or find a relationship that’s more suitable to what you need.

Use Caution With Dating Sites or Apps

If you have been married for a long time, you probably need to gain experience with modern dating sites or apps. You don’t know how to spot red flags. Apps and sites are loaded with romance scams, where people ask for money or claim to be somewhere overseas.

There are also a lot of “catfish” situations. A catfish uses photos of someone else or dramatically alters their pictures to the point where they’re not recognizable. You may be in for a surprise when you meet up in person.

Remember that everything isn’t always what it seems on the internet. There’s nothing wrong with meeting people the old-fashioned way at concerts, local events, or hobby classes.

Think Carefully Before Approaching a Second Marriage

While many people still enjoy happy, healthy relationships after a divorce, it’s important to note that statistics don’t favor second marriages. With each additional marriage, the potential for divorce significantly increases.

There is no significant stigma surrounding unmarried couples living together in the United States. It’s common for people in long-term relationships to live together — or even buy homes together — without getting married.

You don’t need to make marriage the goal of every relationship, especially if your partner doesn’t feel strongly about getting married. You can live like you’re married without the paperwork. Some states even recognize this arrangement as a valid form of marriage.

If marriage is still important to you, take your time. Stay together for a few years, and ensure you’re emotionally and mentally prepared to take your relationship to the next level.

If you decide to get married, remember that tools like prenuptial agreements can help to protect you if this marriage doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped it would.

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Remember: You Deserve To Be Happy

A divorce is challenging, and you deserve happiness once you come out on the other side.

You may decide that you enjoy your own company so much that you’d rather stay single. You may decide that you’re ready to get married again or even that you’d like to have more children.

As long as you’ve carefully considered what you want your future to look like and you’ve made sure to take care of yourself, you can move at a comfortable pace. Statistics don’t determine whether your first relationship after divorce will succeed — you and your new partner do.

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Contents:

logo
Basic Do it Yourself Divorce
The most affordable way to get it done right.
Learn more
From $299 + state filing fees
logo
Standard We File For You
Human processing experts to help with your state’s incredibly confusing state filing process.
Learn more
From $599 + state filing fees
logo
Attorney Assistance
Affordable, flat rate legal advice from an independent attorney licensed in your state, to make sure you do everything right.
Learn more
From $899 + state filing fees
logo
Traditional Divorce
Complete end-to-end help from an independent attorney, licensed in your state, with negotiated rates.
Learn more
From $2750 + state filing fees

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lawyer, expensive divorce

12 Things To Ask a Divorce Lawyer

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uncontested divorce

What To Expect at an Uncontested Divorce Hearing

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mediation, complicated divorce

When Is Divorce Mediation Not Recommended?

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mediation, divorce alternative

7 Things To Do To Prepare for Divorce Mediation

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online divorce

Step-by-Step Guide: How To File for Divorce Online

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divorce papers, divorce without a lawyer

How To Respond to Divorce Papers Without an Attorney

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fast divorce, uncontested divorce

How Long Does an Uncontested Divorce Take?

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divorce process, expensive divorce

How Much Does It Cost To Get a Divorce? Complete Breakdown

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divorce process

How Long Does a Divorce Take?

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divorce process, divorce papers

How To Start the Divorce Process: Step-by-Step

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mediation

What Is Mediation in Divorce and When Should I Use It?

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divorce statistics, divorce rate

48 Divorce Statistics in the U.S. Including Divorce Rate, Race, & Marriage Length

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divorce process, ted

10 TED Talks That Anyone Considering Divorce Should Watch

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Making the Decision, Infidelity

When to Walk Away After Infidelity: 7 Signs It Might Be Time To Leave

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selling property, selling before divorce

Selling Your House Before a Divorce: A Surprisingly Good Idea

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uncontested divorce

What Is an Uncontested Divorce? Everything You Need To Know

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divorce checklist

Divorce Checklist for 2023

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Dating After Divorce

10 Tips for Dating After Divorce

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divorce process, name change

A Guide to Name Change After a Divorce

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divorce process, remarry

Can I Get Married Right After Getting Divorced?

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divorce trauma

The Psychological Trauma of Divorce

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divorce litigation

When Is Divorce Litigation Necessary?

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marriage abandonment

What You Need To Know About Marital Abandonment

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miserable husband syndrome

Miserable Husband Syndrome Explained & Tips To Cope

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toxic relationship

12 Tips on Leaving a Toxic Relationship

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leave a marriage

5 Tips on How To Leave a Marriage Peacefully

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walkaway wife syndrome

5 Signs of Walkaway Wife Syndrome

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divorce process, divorce in california

6 Steps in the California Divorce Process

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divorce process, divorce in Texas

The 6 Steps of the Divorce Process in Texas

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signs od divorce

22 Experts Give Warning Signs Of Divorce You Need To Pay Attention To

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divorce costs, divorce methods

How Much Does a Divorce Cost in California?

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cheating, emotional affair

Emotional Affairs and Texting

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divorce in california, divorce terms

How Long Does it Take to Get a Divorce in California?

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Divorce Recovery, Life After Divorce

10 Tips on How to Reinvent Yourself After Divorce

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sexless marriage

When to Walk Away From a Sexless Marriage

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divorce reasons, top divorce factors

Causes Of Divorce: 13 Of The Most Common Reasons

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divorce process, divorce in california

All of the California Divorce Papers That You Need to Get a Divorce

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divorce costs, divorce in new york

How Much Does a Divorce Cost in New York?

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low-cost divorce, uncontested divorce

The Cheapest Way to Get Divorced

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collaborative divorce, uncontested divorce, types of divorce

The Different Types of Divorce

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Separation, divorce process, divorce in new york

Legal Separation vs Divorce in New York

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divorce statistics, divorce guide, social media

The Complete Guide to Divorce & Social Media

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Life After Divorce, moving out

Moving Out of State Before, During, or After Divorce

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Children and Divorce, child custody

5 Reasons a Judge Will Change Custody

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Children and Divorce, child custody

What Does Sole Custody Mean?

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Child Support, Children and Divorce, child custody

How Does Child Support Work if the Father Has No Job?

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Child Support, alimony

If the Wife Files for Divorce, Can She Get Alimony?

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child custody, parent rights

Parent Rights: Custodial Parent vs. Non-Custodial Parent

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divorce statistics, divorce rate

10 Professions With The Highest Divorce Rate

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expensive divorce, divorce cost

Why is Divorce So Expensive? 5 Reasons from Laura Wasser

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mediation, divorce budget

Divorce Mediation Cost: Budget Accordingly

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divorce process, divorce rights

My Husband Wants a Divorce, What Are My Rights?

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mediation, divorce decree

Marital Settlement Agreement vs. Divorce Decree: What is The Difference?

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Children and Divorce, divorce in Texas

The Texas Divorce Forms For Spouses Without Children

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Separation, divorce process, family pets

During a Divorce or Separation, What Happens to The Family Pet?

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divorce in Texas, divorce terms

How Long Does It Take To Get A Divorce In Texas?

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mediation, arbitration

Which Is Better? Mediation vs. Arbitration

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divorce in california, no fault divorce

California No Fault Divorce

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divorce in Texas, adultery, laws

Texas Divorce Laws About Adultery

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divorce terms, divorce in new york

How Long Does It Take to Get a Divorce in New York?

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child custody, custodial parent

Custodial Parent: Meaning and Responsibilities

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Separation, divorce process, Divorce

Separation vs Divorce: How To Understand the Process

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child custody, parental kidnapping

What To Do? Parental Kidnapping and No Custody Order