Written By:
Divorce.com Staff
Deciding to divorce is never easy. It comes after months — sometimes years — of reflection, tough conversations, and emotional strain.
But once the decision is made, the next step is understanding how to start the divorce process and what lies ahead.
Divorce marks a major transition, but starting with clarity and control helps make it a healthier one.
First Steps To Take When Starting Divorce
Your path depends on your situation. If your split is amicable, the process may be relatively straightforward.
But if there are disagreements over property, finances, or children, the road ahead will involve more negotiation — and possibly, litigation.
The first steps include:
Choosing the type of divorce process
Understanding your state’s divorce laws
Gathering financial records
Filing the initial paperwork (petition)
Choosing the Right Divorce Process
There isn’t just one way to divorce. The process you choose depends on how complex your case is and how much cooperation exists between you and your spouse.
Uncontested divorce (Paperwork Only): You and your spouse agree on all issues and file the paperwork yourselves.
Online divorce service: A cost-effective option for cooperative splits. Divorce.com provides guided, court-ready paperwork and expert support without the courtroom stress.
Mediation: A neutral third party helps you resolve disputes outside of court.
Collaborative divorce: Each spouse hires an attorney, but all parties commit to negotiating a settlement instead of going to trial.
Litigated divorce: Each spouse hires an attorney, and unresolved disputes are decided by a judge. This is the most expensive and time-consuming path.
Many online platforms only generate paperwork. Divorce.com goes further, pairing you with case managers, mediators, and expert-reviewed services so you have guidance through every step of the process
Understanding Your State’s Divorce Laws
Divorce laws vary by state. Before filing, make sure you understand:
Residency requirements: How long you or your spouse must live in the state before filing.
Waiting periods: Many states require 30–90 days between filing and finalization.
Filing fees: Typically a few hundred dollars.
Division of property: Community property vs. equitable distribution.
Custody laws: How courts decide child custody and visitation.
Support: State formulas for child support and alimony.
Knowing these rules will help you set realistic expectations.
Determining What You Want
Think about your goals around custody, support, or property, so you can make informed decisions as the process unfolds.
It’s also important to anticipate what your spouse may want.
If you can agree on major issues early, the process will be smoother and less costly.
Gathering Financial Information
Divorce settlements depend on complete financial transparency. Gather records for:
Income, bonuses, and side earnings
Bank and investment accounts
Retirement accounts
Loans and mortgages
Credit cards and household bills
Vehicles, property, and valuables
Insurance policies
A full picture of your finances will help you, your lawyer, or your mediator negotiate fair terms.
Filing the Divorce Petition
Once prepared, the official start of the divorce process is filing a petition for divorce (sometimes called a summons). The petition includes:
Names and addresses of both spouses
Marriage details (date and location)
Names and ages of children
Grounds for divorce (in most cases, no-fault grounds are used)
Requests for custody, support, and division of assets
You will pay a filing fee, and the petition must then be legally served on your spouse.
What Happens After Filing?
Service of Petition: Your spouse must receive official notice of the divorce.
Answer: They may file a response agreeing or disputing terms.
Temporary Orders: Courts may issue orders for custody, support, or use of the marital home.
Discovery: Both sides exchange financial and legal documents.
Settlement or Mediation: Most divorces end in settlement rather than trial.
Trial (if necessary): A judge makes decisions on unresolved issues.
Final Judgment of Divorce: The court issues a decree finalizing the divorce.
Non-Traditional Divorce Options
Not all divorces follow the courtroom route. Many couples today prefer online divorce services, mediation, or collaborative divorce to save time, money, and stress.
These methods allow you to work out terms together, file jointly, and avoid trial, while still creating a legally binding divorce judgment.
The Bottomline
Starting the divorce process can feel overwhelming, but breaking it into clear steps makes it more manageable.
From choosing your process to filing paperwork and negotiating terms, each decision moves you closer to resolution and a fresh start.
Divorce.com can help simplify the process with online divorce services, mediation support, and step-by-step guidance tailored to your situation.
Starting Divorce FAQs
What’s the first step in filing for divorce?
Filing a divorce petition with the court begins the legal process.
How long does divorce take?
Timelines vary by state, but an uncontested divorce may finalize in a few months, while contested cases can take a year or longer.
Can I file for divorce without a lawyer?
Yes, especially in uncontested cases. Online divorce services are a cost-effective option.
Do I need to prove fault to divorce?
No. All states now offer no-fault divorce based on irreconcilable differences.
What if my spouse doesn’t respond?
If they ignore the petition, the court may grant you a default divorce.
