Your First 5 Steps When You Want a Divorce

These are the actions that actually move things forward — in the right order.

Step 1: Get clear on what you want the outcome to look like.

Divorce isn't one decision — it's dozens. Before you take any legal steps, spend time thinking about what you actually need on the other side: where you'll live, how custody will work if you have children, what a fair division of assets looks like. You don't need answers yet. But having thought about it makes every conversation that follows more productive.

Step 2: Understand your financial picture.

Start gathering financial documents now, before the divorce process begins. This includes recent tax returns, bank and investment account statements, mortgage and loan balances, pay stubs, and any records of significant assets or debts. In a contested divorce, this information becomes critical. In an uncontested one, it speeds everything up.

Step 3: Tell your spouse.

If your spouse doesn't know yet, this conversation needs to happen before anything legal can move forward. There's a right way and a wrong way to have it. Read our guide to how to ask for a divorce — it covers what to say, when to say it, and how to handle the reaction.

Step 4: Decide how you want to handle the process.

There are several paths through divorce, and the one you choose affects cost, timeline, and emotional toll more than almost anything else. More on this in the next section.

Step 5: File (or have someone file for you).

Once you've chosen your path, the process starts with filing a Petition for Divorce with your county court. Depending on your approach, you'll do this yourself, through an online service like Divorce.com, or through an attorney.

Understanding Your Divorce Options

Not every divorce looks the same. The path that's right for you depends on how aligned you and your spouse are, the complexity of your finances, and whether children are involved.

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce is one where both spouses agree on all major issues: property division, spousal support, and — if applicable — child custody and support.

This is by far the fastest, least expensive, and least emotionally draining option. Many uncontested divorces are completed in 1–3 months (plus any state-mandated waiting period). They can be handled entirely online, without setting foot in a courtroom.

Best for: Couples who can communicate, have relatively straightforward assets, and are both ready to move on.

Cost: Significantly lower than contested divorce. See current pricing at Divorce.com →

Mediation

Mediation involves a neutral third party — a trained mediator — who helps you and your spouse reach agreement on contested issues. The mediator doesn't make decisions; they facilitate the conversation.

Mediation is a good middle path when you and your spouse disagree on some things but are both willing to negotiate. It preserves more control than going to court and costs a fraction of contested litigation.

Best for: Couples who have disagreements but are both acting in good faith.

Cost: Typically $1,500–$5,000 for the full mediation process, depending on complexity and location.

Collaborative Divorce

In collaborative divorce, both spouses retain attorneys who are committed to settling outside of court. Everyone signs an agreement that if the process breaks down and goes to litigation, the collaborative attorneys must withdraw — which creates a strong incentive to resolve things cooperatively.

Best for: Couples with more complex assets or custody situations who want attorney guidance but want to avoid court.

Cost: Higher than mediation, lower than full litigation. Varies significantly by location and complexity.

Contested Divorce (Litigation)

When spouses cannot agree on major issues and negotiate through attorneys (or in court), the divorce is contested. A judge ultimately makes decisions about property, custody, and support.

This is the most expensive, most time-consuming, and most emotionally difficult path. Contested divorces routinely cost $15,000–$30,000 or more per spouse and can take one to three years.

Best for: Situations involving serious disagreements that cannot be resolved through negotiation — or cases involving domestic violence, hidden assets, or severe conflict.

Most divorces don't need to go to court. If you and your spouse can reach agreement — even imperfect agreement — an uncontested divorce or mediation will serve you better in almost every way.

What Does Divorce Actually Cost?

Cost is one of the first things most people want to know, and the honest answer is: it depends heavily on the path you choose.

Uncontested divorce: Filing fees ($100–$400 depending on state) plus the cost of the service or attorney helping you prepare documents. Divorce.com's packages start at [current pricing], with the most popular all-inclusive option at [price].

Mediated divorce: $1,500–$5,000 for the mediation itself, plus filing fees. If attorneys review the agreement, add $500–$2,000 per spouse.

Contested divorce: $15,000–$30,000+ per spouse on average, with complex cases running significantly higher. Attorney fees alone often account for most of this.

The largest cost driver isn't the process — it's disagreement. Every hour your attorneys spend arguing on your behalf is billable time. The more you can resolve between yourselves, the more you save.

For state-by-state cost breakdowns, see our guides: How much does divorce cost in your state? →

What If My Spouse Doesn't Want a Divorce?

You do not need your spouse's consent to get divorced.

In every U.S. state, one spouse can file for divorce unilaterally. Your spouse's refusal to agree does not prevent the divorce from happening — it only affects the process.

If your spouse refuses to respond to divorce papers after being served, you may be able to obtain a default divorce, where the court grants the divorce based on your filing alone.

If your spouse contests the divorce, it will proceed as a contested case — which takes longer and costs more, but the divorce will still happen. No state can force two people to remain married when one of them has decided to end the marriage.

What your spouse can affect:

• The timeline (by contesting or delaying)

• The terms (by disagreeing on property, custody, or support)

What your spouse cannot affect:

• Your right to divorce

If your spouse is resistant, read how to have the divorce conversation → before taking legal steps.

What If I Can't Afford a Divorce?

Financial concern is one of the most common reasons people stay in marriages they want to leave. A few options worth knowing:

Uncontested online divorce is the lowest-cost legal option, often costing a few hundred dollars all-in. Divorce.com is designed specifically to make this accessible. See pricing →

Legal aid is available in most states for low-income individuals. Your state bar association can provide referrals. Legal aid attorneys can handle divorce cases at reduced or no cost for those who qualify.

Courthouse self-help centers — many county courthouses have free self-help centers staffed by court clerks or volunteer attorneys who can help you understand and complete divorce paperwork without representation.

Fee waivers — if you can demonstrate financial hardship, courts in most states will waive or reduce filing fees. Ask the court clerk about a fee waiver application.

Spousal support orders — in some situations, a court can order one spouse to contribute to the other's legal costs during the divorce proceeding.

The key insight: the more amicable the process, the more affordable it is. Collaboration saves money for both parties.

Divorce With Children: What You Need to Know

If you have children, divorce requires addressing two additional legal issues: custody and child support.

Custody

There are two types of custody:

Legal custody — the right to make decisions about your child's education, healthcare, and religious upbringing. Most divorces result in joint legal custody, meaning both parents share decision-making authority.

Physical custody — where the child lives. This can be shared (the child splits time between households) or primary (the child primarily lives with one parent, with scheduled visitation for the other).

Courts in every state use a "best interests of the child" standard when determining custody arrangements. Factors include each parent's relationship with the child, stability of each household, and the child's own preferences (for older children).

The most important thing to know: The more you and your spouse can agree on custody without involving the court, the better the outcome tends to be for your children. Mediation is particularly effective for custody disputes.

Child Support

Child support is typically calculated using a state-specific formula based on both parents' incomes and the custody arrangement. It is not optional — child support orders are legally enforceable.

If you have children, the uncontested path is still available as long as you and your spouse can agree on a parenting plan and support arrangement. Divorce.com can help you build that agreement. Learn how →

Your State's Requirements

Divorce law is state law, and the rules vary in ways that matter:

Residency requirements — most states require you or your spouse to have lived in the state for a minimum period (typically 3–12 months) before you can file there.

Waiting periods — many states impose a mandatory waiting period between filing and finalization, ranging from 0 days (some states) to 6 months. This cannot be waived.

Grounds for divorce — every state offers no-fault divorce (citing "irreconcilable differences" or similar language). Some states also allow fault-based grounds (adultery, abandonment, cruelty), which can affect property division or support awards in certain jurisdictions.

Property division rules — most states use "equitable distribution" (fair, but not necessarily equal). Nine states use "community property" rules (generally a 50/50 split of marital assets). Which state you're in matters significantly.

Find your state's specific rules: Browse our complete 50-state divorce guides →

How Divorce.com Helps

Divorce.com was built for people who want to end their marriage without the war.

We handle the paperwork, the filing coordination, and the process — so you can focus on what actually matters: your life on the other side of this.

What we offer:

Paperwork Only — You complete your own forms with access to our document library. Best if you're confident handling the process yourself and just need the right paperwork.

We File For You — Our team prepares and coordinates filing of all your documents. A dedicated case manager keeps the process moving.

Fully Guided — Everything in "We File For You," plus mediation sessions to help you and your spouse reach agreement on contested issues.

Attorney-Led — Full attorney representation for situations that require it.

All packages are available online, in all 50 states, at a fraction of the cost of traditional divorce attorneys.

See which package is right for your situation →

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I start the divorce process? The first legal step is filing a Petition for Divorce (sometimes called a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage) with the family court in your county. Before filing, you'll need to meet your state's residency requirement. An online service like Divorce.com can prepare and file these documents for you.

How long does a divorce take? An uncontested divorce typically takes 1–3 months from filing to finalization, plus any state-mandated waiting period (which can add up to 6 months in some states). A contested divorce can take 1–3 years, depending on the court's docket and the complexity of the disputes.

Do I need a lawyer to get a divorce? Not necessarily. If your divorce is uncontested — meaning you and your spouse agree on property, custody, and support — you can complete the process without an attorney. An online divorce service handles the documentation and filing. You should consult an attorney if your situation involves significant assets, a business, a pension, complex custody issues, or a spouse who is contesting the divorce aggressively.

What happens to our house in a divorce? Options typically include: one spouse buys out the other's equity and keeps the home; both spouses sell the home and divide the proceeds; or one spouse stays in the home temporarily (often when children are involved) with a deferred sale. What's "fair" depends on your state's property division rules and your specific financial situation.

Can I date while my divorce is in progress? Legally, you are still married until the divorce is finalized. Dating during a divorce can complicate proceedings in states that consider fault, may affect how courts view you in custody decisions, and can inflame an already difficult process. Many attorneys advise waiting until the divorce is final before beginning new relationships.

What is a no-fault divorce? A no-fault divorce means neither spouse has to prove the other did something wrong in order to divorce. You simply cite "irreconcilable differences" or "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage." All 50 states allow no-fault divorce. It's the most common basis for divorce in the U.S.

Can my spouse take everything in a divorce? No. Courts divide marital assets based on either equitable distribution (fair division, considering multiple factors) or community property rules (generally 50/50), depending on your state. Neither spouse is entitled to everything. Separate property — assets owned before the marriage, or received as gifts or inheritance — is generally protected.

What if my spouse is hiding assets? This is more common than most people realize. If you suspect hidden assets, your attorney can use a legal process called "discovery" to compel disclosure of financial records. Forensic accountants are sometimes brought in for complex cases. Hiding assets in a divorce is illegal and can result in penalties and an unfavorable ruling for the spouse who did it.

The Bottom Line

Wanting a divorce and knowing what to do about it are two different things. The decision is the hard part — the process, handled right, is navigable.

The most important choice you'll make is how you want to handle it. If you and your spouse can agree on the major issues, an uncontested divorce is faster, cheaper, and less harmful — to you, your finances, and your children — than a contested one.

Divorce.com exists to make that path accessible.